Why doesn’t everyone like me?

Ok, so I’ve been trying to decide on the topic for my first blog. Finally I decided on a question I hear often, “Why doesn’t everyone like me?” Often times that is not the exact question. It maybe something like “I don’t know what their problem is with me.” or “No matter how nice I am they still give me the cold shoulder.” but in the end it’s still why don’t they like me. We all seem to have a need for people to like us, to be accepted by others. It can vary as to how great that need is but we all, on some level, want to be liked. When we have done nothing to someone yet they don’t like us it can be hard to handle. We may start to question ourselves as to what is wrong with us or we then try even harder to get that person to like us which usually fails.

So how do you deal with this issue? First, you need to accept that not everyone will like you and stop blaming yourself when you encounter a person who just doesn’t like you. I know easier said than done right? What you need to understand is that when a person immediately takes a disliking to you it usually has nothing to do with you as a person. Most often it is an issue they have that has nothing to do with you at all. It’s likely because of the path they have traveled in life. For instance, if they are struggling financially and you pull up in a new, shiny car. It might result in feelings of jealousy or possible anger at themselves for not being more financially secure and cause them to not like you. It could be something as simple as you remind them of someone who once stole their boyfriend/girlfriend. There are so many reasons why someone might not like you that have nothing to do with you.

With that being said, if you have done something to the person who doesn’t like you it is your responsibility to make amends for your wrongdoing. Listen to how they feel about the situation, admit to what you have done wrong and apologize for your actions but understand that no matter how sincere you are they have the right to not accept your apology. If that happens you just have to move on and hope someday they come around.

Now back to the person who dislikes you for no reason. Because of our desire to be accepted often times we will try to change things about ourselves to be liked. You may find yourself mimicking the attitude of others, suddenly liking the things they like, or even dressing the way others do in order to be more accepted. Although this may work for a while you are not being true to who you are. As I’m sure you have heard your parents say “If they don’t like you for who you are, they’re not your real friends.” Changing yourself to be liked is exhausting because you have to constantly watch what you say and how you act so that they don’t ever see the real you. Once you start changing for others you will begin to lose yourself. For example, my grandfather remarried many years ago and his new wife was introducing her mother to our family. Her mother politely shook our hands and said hello until she got to my mom. As soon as my grandfathers new wife said “This is Donna.” (my mothers name) this woman whole attitude changed and she said “I knew a Donna once, I didn’t like her very much.” It took a very long time for this woman to warm up to my mom. Not because of anything my mom had done but simply because of her name. What was my mom suppose to do? Should she have changed her name? Should she have changed the thing that she was given before birth to identify her to the rest of the world, simply to be liked? Although changing your name is extreme, by changing who you are in anyway simply to be liked is doing a disservice to yourself.

Be proud of who you are, accept that not everyone will like you, and hold tight to the people who like you just the way you are.

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